We had team building today. Whisper<no work> ;D Anyway, it went okay. Although it rained and I had to walk around with sogging wet socks and shoes.. Anyway, I’m just glad it’s over. Giggles at freedom. That’s how I’m able to be writing this post now anyway. :D 

Just wanted to write out my new year resolutions for 2017. It must be strange to be writing about new year resolutions in April? HA.

First to top the list is: To be less forgetful. I’m trying to.. but it isn’t working much. Memory is innate I guess. Oh wells.. What to do..

Second is to Observe more. But.. when I remember to observe my surroundings, I end up not noticing anything. It’s something good to have so I shall leave it here as a reminder..

Third is to Think less about unnecessary things. Don’t deliberate about something so small that you end up neglecting the bigger picture. THIS. I keep worrying unnecessarily I really wanted to kick myself!

Fourth is to Spare a moment to process people’s words before reacting. I do tend to assume lots of things.. It’s a bad habit that I have to change. Ah, this should be at the top of the list instead. lol

Fifth and lastly is a reminder that if there’s something you probably can’t do, don’t promise and think you can. That’s irresponsible so if you’ve promised, then please do it.

That’s about it. My resolutions for 2017. Let me update on my cosplay the next post! I have a dance audition tomorrow and Sunday I’m going over to my friend’s place to make a costume. Yay I’m excited(‘: See you again.

Just my thoughts at the moment..

I’m feeling sad. I wonder why do I distance myself from people so much? I look from afar at friends with envy. But I never found a way to join in.. I just can’t seem to get myself to feel comfortable enough around most people. I’m only able to feel slightly more at ease around certain people. But for most, I always felt that we are not close enough. And I feel sad about it. How to bridge that connection between people. When people say they are antisocial, but I see them having fun around people. They don’t understand. LOL I am. Antisocial. I guess. By my standards. Well, I can’t seem to have fun around most people. I just don’t know how to. Yet, I don’t want to be alone. I still wish to hang out.. but I end up feeling like an outsider. And being awkward and I don’t like it. I don’t know how to deal with it so I end up running away. Halfway through a social gathering, I find excuses to get away from the social setup. I feel a sense of relief but also sadness. 

Okay, I don’t want to dismiss those times when I do feel belonged. Things click but then.. it never last. T.T Such is the life of a sad human being. Have a good day! Or good night. It’s night time here. I shall go to bed soon(:

Thoughts about life in 2015-2017

My life as an undergraduate in NUS ended in 2014.

I started afresh at a new job in 2015 baring the title of a university dropout. Actually, my story is more of like.. I don’t like the mathematics degree I was pursuing; had no idea what else to do in life, so I took a break from school to gain some working experience and see how it goes. But.. who knows what the truth really is? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway a dropout.. sounds pretty gung-ho huh? I’m feeling a bit impressed by myself for going the unorthodox way. I’ve always been a.. goody-two shoes? ;D It’s definitely going to be a harder route. Just compare it with my sister who just graduated from NTU and earning 3 times more salary than the me right now, who have already worked for two years. Alas, life is fair. This is how much I can cope with right now, and so how much I deserve.

Of course, I’ve changed job since. Things weren’t moving forward at all so I took a leap in 2017 and went to another job. Like a wanderer without a goal, I went to another company. This is of course, just another transition period. A stepping stone? Because I’m preparing to study part time.

First of all, back in 2015 and 2016, it was a difficult period. I have no confidence at work, always feeling overshadowed by others. It took some time for me to build up self confidence. Cosplay helps. It lets me know how to pretend to be confident even when you’re not, because you want the photos to turn out nice. And it’s more fun when you are smiling rather than feeling worried over how terrible you might look. Whether I felt that it was a bad cosplay or not, a smile does go a mile. It brightens up one’s life, spread happiness to others and also for my own sake at times. Cosplay taught me make up which taught me confidence, which in turn gave me the courage I needed to pursue new things.

I took my first step to dance in public. I’ve always hidden in my room to dance, ashamed of how bad I am. But I learnt how to have fun, knowing you’re bad yet nevertheless trying to find ways to keep on improving. I’m grateful for the friends I met, both in cosplay and at dance. There are many frustrating times, such as when you can’t do a dance move properly, or apply makeup properly, or even pose correctly. Yet I’m feeling more complete with these two hobbies in my life. Else, I’ve always been an empty shell that doesn’t understand the world.

Fast forward to 2017, in my new job I have to get used to a new environment and new colleagues. I struggled with certain people. In the first place, I’m never good with strangers, but this job requires me to reach out to others. I have no choice but to put myself out there. Of course, it sounds like a simple job. But even from serving tea with wobbly hands to greeting guests, it’s something new for me. It’s always hard to take that first step, but once you do, things get rolling. I believe that the first step.. and the next step.. and the next is what moves people forward. I hope to continue step by step, just doing a little more each day.

Frankly, I still don’t understand what is there for me, I only believe in getting pass today, day-by-day. I’m awaiting for school to start in July, embarking on a new degree called Multimedia Technology. I feel that it isn’t what I’m good at. But it’s what I want to learn. I have so much to learn though, and I know I will struggle. But it’s okay, I have learnt some ways to cope with stress. I don’t want to give in to frustrations. I hope as an advice to myself, to learn to be patient and to lower your ridiculously high expectations. Do not force yourself with what you cannot do. But learn to deal with what you can actually do. After completing school, I hope.. to find a permanent job where I can commit myself to and contribute to society. What shall it be I really have no idea though..

I’ve gotten carried away. It’s really time for me to go to bed. End of my ramblings. See you on the next morning. ( ゚▽゚)/

Sebastian Michaelis Drawing + Work

I drew Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji yesterday:

DSC_2596

So I dislike going to work because it’s so boring I can cry. ・(/Д`)・ The working environment is good, my colleagues are nice and the food at the canteen is good so I guess I shouldn’t complain. But it really gets to me how boring paperwork is. Work makes my everyday life dull. I’m glad it’s only a temporary job. Shall stick to it for the next few months (for the money) before I go back to school. I only wish that I don’t get so sleepy every time. Trying to fight my way out of the drowsiness is very difficult. I keep eating sweets and biscuits to keep myself awake. I don’t think that’s healthy. ( ´△`) Have to go to bed soon. Good night! Oyasuminasai. //zzz//

Characters Drawings

This time round I drew some characters – including Molang, Cinnamoroll, Kiiroitori and Rilakkuma. They are my favourites: 

DSC_2583  DSC_2589DSC_2586  DSC_2591 DSC_2592

Yesterday I attended this talk by a respected feng shui master. He gave away this quote: “生命不是用来寻找答案,也不用来解决问题的,它是用来快乐的过生活。” It translates to life is not about finding answers, neither is it for solving problems; instead it is for living happily. Okay, this is a literal translation so it does not sound as elegant as it does in chinese. lol Nevertheless, the meaning intended is as it is i.e. to live life happily and without regrets. I want to live my life happily. 我也要快乐的过生活!(^ _ ^)/

My Thoughts About Life Right Now

I saw this quote about working towards your dream and it got me thinking that currently, I have no dreams. Maybe this is the reason why my life is really boring right now. I remember those days in primary and secondary school when I wanted to be a writer. So I started writing. I read many books and I wrote stories and kept journals. These activities were actually started by my teacher back then who encouraged us to keep journals and write short stories to improve our writing skills. I remember how I loved composition writing and spent a lot of time writing. This interest in writing continued on when I was in secondary school where I started writing blogs.

I love keeping blogs, especially loving the thrill of designing the site layout to writing posts. I write posts almost every day. It was fun researching for things to write about and I would spend hours editing my posts, even though no one probably reads them. I tend to write about idols. I was into japanese idols back then and my favourite group was Hey! Say! JUMP. I collected their CDs, concert goods and kept photographs of them. I saved every picture I saw of them on the net and downloaded all their songs – even those live versions. And I wrote fanfiction about them. Even while I was preparing to go to bed, this great story idea would keep me awake and I would hurriedly jot down the story outline before I forget it. I really enjoyed writing those fanfiction. I used to spend time studying grammar and  language use as well.

Those were interesting and fulfilling days. I am not a very creative person, probably drained all my creative juices during those days. Now, I am no longer excited about idols. I still listen to idols but my idol addiction was gone. I started watching anime and this got me excited for a while before the excitement died down again. Now, my life is extremely bland and nothing spices up my life. I lack goals and commitment. What should I commit my time to? I don’t read much now and I tend to get bored with the book (or perhaps I just kept borrowing boring books lol). I am a very bored person. (;*´Д`)ノ